Positive Behavior Reinforcement

Posted on March 15, 2011 by Kerri

As a certified teacher, I’ve learned that while we are trying to teach young children to self govern their behavior, they are highly motivated by extrinsic rewards for positive experiences.  Extrinsic rewards help motivate intrinsic motivation in young children when handled appropriately.

An “I’m Amazing!” Sticker Chart

Our sticker charts at home are called “I’m Amazing!” charts.  Whenever we see the kids doing something great, we give them a sticker to add to their own chart.  We tell them specifically what the behavior was that we liked, and as they put the sticker on they exclaim “I’m AMAZING!”  Then we write what they did below the sticker.  Inevitably, the kids then review what they did for all their stickers–a great reminder and reinforcement for the positive behavior!

Be Specific in Your Praise

As is everything child-related, communication is key.  Specifically tell the children what they did that was so great, and try to acknowledge the intrinsic characteristic more than the action.

“You worked really hard on that picture” instead of “Wow, that’s really pretty.”  Pretty or not, the fact that your child sat and focused for so long is an accomplishment to be recognized.

“You were really patient when your brother was bothering you” instead of just “Good job” helps kids sort through and identify the specific good behavior from the bad.

When we do this, we help our children nurture their positive self-image.  There is a difference between “You’re so smart!” and “You work really hard to be a good reader!”  The child that is convinced he is so smart is crushed when he does poorly on the test.  One who believes it is through his hard work is more apt to try harder next time.

But you all know this.  And the sticker chart is not an original idea.  If you came for a quick idea you can print off and use, here it is:

The Cookie Rewards

This is an idea I’ve used with my own kids and in small classes.  I’ve used it for a one-week behavior tool, and for a 7-week behavior tool (like with my Sunday School class I teach, or to reinforce my children’s church behavior).  And in each setting, I’ve loved the results.  Here’s how it works.

Every day, the kids are working towards earning an ingredient to make a cookie.  The benefit to this is they are working together on a long-term goal, which means less extrinsic rewards — and baking — for you, and more opportunities to praise the good without attaching a tangible reward.

In introducing this plan to the children, I point out that butter, sugar, eggs, baking powder, etc. would make a good cookie, but it would be a boring cookie.  Together we agree chocolate chips would make it better.  And this is the fun part.  Chocolate Chips are earned by doing anything that is great, and every day they can earn an endless amount!  This gives you the opportunity to look for and praise the good.  If someone goes the extra mile, you can acknowledge that immediately, without waiting until the end of the day for an ingredient.  In a disruptive moment, giving a chocolate chip to each child and asking them to put it on the cookie when they think they are ready worked wonders. This idea also helped me communicate love and support to each child for the ways that they were progressing.

And at the end, we all were excited to earn the reward.  Granted, I had to make pretty jumbo cookies to fit in all the chocolate chips they’d earned, but truth is, it was worth it.

What behavior reinforcement techniques have you enjoyed?

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T-Shirt Blankets

Posted on March 14, 2011 by Sunny

My kids have helped me develop a new blanket tradition in our family.  They loved their baby blankets, but eventually they grew out of them.  But do we ever grow out of enjoying a cozy blanket?  So now when they turn about 10 years old, they get a new “special” blanket.

They each have a box at the top of their closet that is marked “T-shirt quilt.” Whenever they outgrow a T-shirt that is a “scrapbook page” of their life–from their elementary school, a well-worn favorite, a family reunion, sports, cub scouts, a tie-dye they made themselves, etc.– it goes into the box.  When it comes time to make the blanket, we go through the box and choose the 25 best.  Sometimes the front and back make two, and sometimes four small graphics can be pieced together to make one big square.

1. Cut a square foot out of each shirt, keeping in mind that the final size will be smaller because the edge will be hidden in the seam.  This will help you figure out how to best frame each graphic.  You can combining 4 smaller squares to make a big square.  By sewing the 25 squares into a 5×5 square, it will just fit a backing made of fleece, which comes in a 60″ width.  You can also fudge if you have a graphic that is bigger by just putting it next to one that is smaller.  This is easy as long as you keep one of the dimensions the same so your row ends up all one width.  Some shirts will need the neck included in that square, and sometimes you may even want to include part of the back because you have a V-neck or just want to cut above the front neck.  Just sew the front edge of the neck to the back (or a peice of the back) so that you don’t have an opening in the finished blanket.

2. We go to the fabric store together and pick out some material they would like for the backing.  Lately fleece is all the rage and comes in many patterns, but make sure if you use it, you get the anti-pill kind.  I also put a layer of batting in between.  You need about a 60″ square of the backing and the batting. 

3. Start by sewing the first row of 5 shirts together.  Continue with the other rows until you have five rows. Then sew the rows together.

4. You need a nice large space on the carpet or floor to work on.  Lay out your backing (right side up), put your quilt top on top of it (right side down), and then the batting on top of that.  Get another adult to help you make sure it’s pulled tight, but not stretched, to all the sides and corners.

5. Pin the edge and sew around all the sides, leaving about a foot open to flip it right side out.  Clip the corners before you flip, and sew the opening shut after flipping. 

6. Lay the quilt, right side out, back on the floor and have your helper again help you tug from all sides to make sure all layers are smooth. Take safety pins and put at least a couple in every square.  This takes a while, and is only necessary if you’re machine quilting, not using a quilting frame.

7. You can quilt or tie as you like, but I like to use clear plastic thread on top and sew 1/2″ (maybe just 1/4″, do what you think works best) out from every seam (that makes a stitched line on each side of each shirt seam), including an equal margin around the entire blanket.  Here you can see that I also stitched around the blanket close to the edge, maybe 1/8″.  This can hide the stitching you did for the hole you used to turn it inside out, but it’s optional.  If any safety pins get in the way, go ahead and take them out.

8. After the grid is quilted, I like to machine quilt (you need a quilting foot for this) part of each graphic or perhaps make up my own on each shirt.  This can take a bit of time but is the most fun, creative part of the project to me.  You may want to use a washable fabric marker (the kind they sell in the fabric store just for this kind of thing) to draw what you want to quilt.  That’s how I did this shirt below.  It’s a picture of my son on the tag-along bike behind my husband–to remember when we took a trip to D.C. and rode our bikes up and down the mall visiting all the sights.  GREAT idea, by the way.

Remove any remaining safety pins, wash, and wrap.  My kids are always excited to get it, regardless of the fact that they know what it is. And I’m glad to see them wrap up in my blanket hug at an age when they aren’t so into getting hugs from Mom.

P.S.  You can use another shirt or two to cover a throw pillow.

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Dinner on the run!

Posted on March 11, 2011 by Janae

With five kids, it’s not too uncommon for me to find myself helping kids with homework, rushing to get ready for Taekwondo, soothing a crying baby, and scrambling to get dinner on all at the same time.  In fact, over the last 9 years of motherhood, I’ve noticed a steady and constant trend.  Dinnertime seems to always be the craziest part of the day.  The kids are tired and hungry. They want mom to spend time with them and not at the stove cooking.

So, in answer to their cries for attention and in effort to restore sanity to the 5 o’clock hour, I’ve learned a few tricks of the trade.  Ways to make mealtime more simple.

I’m sure I’ll be posting tips as I think of them, but todays tip was inspired by the chicken breasts that were on sale at the store today.  Not worrying about whether I would even be eating chicken this week, I bought 14 pounds and brought it home.  


Later, after getting the little ones down for a nap, I slipped into the kitchen, pulled out the knife and started chopping:  nugget sized pieces for nugget night, tenderloin sized pieces for saucy dishes and breast sized pieces for baked chicken.  Then, I divided the chicken into meal size portions and stuck them in freezer bags and labeled them “Tenderloins, 1 meal”, “nuggets, 1 meal”, etc..  The rest of the chicken I dumped in the crockpot, covered with just enough water to cover the chicken and then turned it on low.  It will cook for a good 6-8 hours until sometime after bedtime when I will remove the chicken and shred it with a fork.  It will be so tender by then that it will simply fall apart for me.  When cool, I’ll put it in a bag as well and freeze it shredded for enchiladas, etc.  It took me all of 15 minutes (minus the crockpot cook time) but look what I got:  at least 7 meals already pre-prepped and all on sale!

On enchilada night, I can skip the “cook chicken” step, saving me lots of time.  I just have to pull out my frozen chicken the night before, add it to the other ingredients, and I’m done!  Enchiladas only takes me 5 minutes!  For chicken dishes with a sauce, I can just dump my frozen chicken into the pan, cover with the other ingredients and stick it in the oven.  Since they’re already cut to smaller “tenderloin” sizes, they’ll defrost and cook in the same time specified by the recipe.  Best of all, I don’t have to defrost the whole package of chicken for just one meal.  They’re already stored by meal so I don’t have to see any chicken gone to waste.

Prefer beef? Make meal time quick and easy by buying your ground beef (or turkey) in bulk. Spend 20 minutes cooking it completely in a fry pan. If you’d like, add fresh or dehydrated onions. Store in freezer bags in “meal-size” quantities. When you need beef for a recipe, just let it defrost enough to loosen. Add it to sauces or casseroles or warm it up with taco seasoning. However you do it, you just saved your self a lot of time at dinner time.

Happy Cooking and Happy Eating!

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A Binder for Boredom — and a Magazine for Mom

Posted on March 10, 2011 by Heidi

There are some things I would recommend to all parents, and this is one of them, especially if you have children between the ages 2 to 13.

It is FamilyFun magazine.  Wait!  If you’re thinking, “I am not a magazine person — no thanks”, read on!  There’s more to it.

I had been a downloader on its website several times pursuing recipes and crafts. Then, having been impressed with Family Fun‘s book My Great Idea, a compilation of, well, great ideas submitted by the magazine’s readers, I decided it may be worth subscribing to the magazine in paper form, and this is why:

Like many seven year olds, my daughter complained one day that she was bored and she had nothing to do.  She wanted to make crafts and started out on her own, which turned into a crying fit because she had no directions and the materials she chose didn’t work.

That’s when it occurred to me to create a binder for my children consisting of pages from the magazine.  The binder is organized according to activity, such as crafts, games, magic tricks, and kid recipes.



Now when FamilyFun arrives in my mailbox, I thumb through the pages, ripping out the pages that will be a great addition to the “Boredom Binder”, and then place the magazine in our magazine collection used for collages.  My kids now have a cure for boredom, with directions even a child can follow to make simple yet very fun crafts, or games to play.

And two added benefits I have noticed: confidence and patience.  I watched my daughter try with patience to master some of the suggested magic tricks.  When she was able to, her eyes glowed with confidence as she realized she can do it.

Here’s where you can subscribe on Amazon to get it for less than $10.

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Bedtime Nightmares

Posted on March 9, 2011 by Cheri

 We have a problem in our home.  It’s called BEDTIME.  Well, actually, that’s not exactly the problem.  See, as long as our three girls sleep in separate rooms, things work beautifully.  No whining, no crying, no problems.  But as soon as we combine any of the three, everything hits the fan.  Let me paint you a picture. 

For the past three months, our girls have been sleeping separately because when they sleep together, they just don’t fall asleep.  Sure, after a while they do, but that while usually lasts a good 2-3 HOURS.  So we finally separated them and life got back to peaceful.  But we have company coming next week and we need to forfeit some of those sleeping quarters.  To prepare them for that, tonight I put Laney down with Noelle.  They did fine for about 10 minutes and then Laney started crying and saying she wanted to sleep with Emery.  Fine (I realize that was mistake #1). 

Taking Laney out of Noelle’s room caused quite the drama because Noelle has been begging to have Laney sleep with her for weeks and was SO excited to have her in her room.  To have her suddenly taken away was cause for tears and fears.  

 So I move Laney down with Emery, who was on the brink of sleep in her crib.  Instead, when Laney came in, she popped right up and started laughing and trying to play with her sister.  After Emery throwing her blanket, pillow, bunny, and sippy out of the crib, and Laney kicking her feet on the wall for 10 minutes, I finally had enough and took Laney BACK up to Noelle’s room.  Immediately, Emery fell asleep.   

Typically, Noelle takes about an hour to calm herself down, which is why sleeping together has been so difficult in the past.  She just can’t fall asleep when she hits the pillow, let alone lie still until she falls asleep.  She has to hum, sing, roll around, move…anything until her body gets the wiggles out.  It’s just her personality.  But because she was so excited about Laney coming back into her room, Noelle stayed very, very still and very, very quiet.   

But Laney was very upset about being up with Noelle, so she started to cry and yell “I hate sleeping in here!  I wil NOT go to sleep with Noelle!”  Oh my word.  Seriously, this isn’t that big of a deal!  Laney knows that calling or crying will result in her favorite blankie being taken away until she calms down, so I walk in, take the blanket, and say nothing to her.  This of course throws her into a frenzy.  I listen to her scream at me for 5 minutes when she finally starts calming down.  But as soon as I go in to give her back her blanket, she starts explaining again how much she doesn’t want to be in the room with Noelle.   

It is now 1 hour and 45 minutes after I put them to bed.  And I think she is asleep.   I need help.  I need a great idea or a series of great ideas to nip this problem in the bud.  We had friends over and they fell asleep right away, in the SAME BED!  A miracle.  We can hardly fall asleep in the same room, let alone the same bed.  Can you see the ramifications of my daughters not being able to share a room?  What about Grandma’s house?  Hotels?  What about when a babysitter comes and tries to put them to sleep?  Or when they are babysat at someone else’s house?  Or when we go to my brother’s to play games and they can’t fall asleep there.  It is time for some intervention.  

Please.  Share you ideas.  Share what has worked for you.  Give me ANYTHING to work with, and if we haven’t tried it yet, we will.  We just can’t keep going on like this.

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Let Your Life Speak

Posted on March 8, 2011 by Kerri

Keeping a blog is my way of telling my story.  Some people tell their stories in journals.  Others in scrapbooks.  I started a blog in 2008 that is about my family.  It is about marriage and motherhood, and my balance in both.  Today it has 390 posts.  That’s 390 stories to tell.  390 moments to remember.

For me, keeping up with my blog motivates me to “Live a Bloggable Life.” Or in other words, live a life worth living, live a life worth writing about.  And that mantra trickles down to “Make Today a bloggable day.” Find something in today that is worth remembering.  If you can’t find it, create it.  Create the memories and traditions for you and your children that will last.

Blogging has become a way of thinking for me.  It challenges me every day to celebrate the small things in life and to accentuate the positive.  I now look for the bloggable moments every day.  Not that I post about every moment that happens through the day, but I strive to make those moments matter, and to pay attention when my son notices a butterfly, or to take a picture of a little boy who has painted himself head to toe in black marker wanting to be a super hero.

When people come to my blog, what do I want them to know about us?

  1. We are a family working together to do what’s right.
  2. We look for and bring out the positive in every situation.
  3. We believe and are trying to live a good Christian life.

Sometimes the greatest illustration of what you believe is how you live.  Messes can be cleaned up later, but today I’m adding another chapter to our story.  Our story.  The silly antics of a man and a woman and their three crazy kids.  And through publishing how we live, we let our lives speak what matters most to us.

If you have a blog, or facebook, or any other public image on the internet, use it for good.  Spread positive messages.  All around the world, people are searching for things that are inspiring and uplifting.  When so much of pop culture paints motherhood and marriage in a negative light, stand out by showing the world that there is fun and joy in these roles.  If we don’t define ourselves, pop culture will, and they do not have the greatest track record of bringing out the best.

Let the world know, by the way that you live, that life is to be enjoyed and not just endured.  And that you are proud of what you do.

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2 3/4

Posted on March 7, 2011 by Sunny

Do you know a 2 year old?  When my first child was born, people told me that I would keep track of all kinds of data–the dates of his first smile, first tooth, sitting up, first word, etc. And there would be lots of pictures.  Then with subsequent children, that habit would quickly shrink to a few snapshots of your last child.  So to avoid their predictions (I can be a little rebellious), I didn’t keep track of any of that from the very beginning.  (Though we do have quite a bit of home video of the first year of our oldest child doing what his siblings declare is pretty much nothing at all–hey, video cameras were pretty new back then.)

But now my youngest child is going through all those stages, which is such a different story. The first is certainly a life changing event, but so is the last (no disrespect intended to all those precious children in the middle). I go through thinking this is the last pregnancy (no nostalgia for me there), last birth, last child I’ll nurse, and eventually, last time we’ll go through potty training (which is helping me not care so much that she’s taking her own sweet time).

And at the same time, every once in a while I try to remember when my teenagers were 2, and I can’t!  Okay, I can somewhat, but there are so many things I can’t remember!  Life is so busy, we move on to the next hectic year without time to reflect on each month of each child.  Pictures and home video help, of course, but last month I was reflecting on some of the posts here and the need to remember.  And later I wrote this short poem to remember a moment in the life of loving a two year old.

Two and Three Quarters

She is very serious
holding up her little index finger
bouncing her fist for emphasis on each syllable
looking up at me
through her eyelashes.
“One more time.”

“Okay, one more time.”
Again I reach to the wall
Making a tunnel for her to run under.

Through the tunnel
Past the stairs
the front door
front room
dining room
and back into the kitchen.

She resumes the posture
gives me the look
and repeats
“One more time.”

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Reaching New Heights of Confidence

Posted on March 4, 2011 by Janae

Last week, our family decided to go rock climbing at our local REI (for the record, a membership at an REI is well worth it, even if just for the free climbing rights at stores with climbing walls). For my husband and I, it was a warm welcome after a long absence from a sport we love. But for the kids, this was a brand new adventure.

Elizabeth tackled the wall with full confidence. She scampered up the side of the structure with ease. But, then she looked down. She froze. Regardless of our coaxing and encouragement, she could not go on. It was then that I realized the incredible value of Donny, the store employee assigned to help us that night. His job was to belay each of us as we climbed the wall. He could have done his job just fine without saying much of anything. But, he was an employee turned coach and he made all the difference.

I was shocked as he somewhat “commanded” Elizabeth to let go of the wall. She held on tighter. He then said firmly, “Elizabeth, let go now. Trust me”. She let go. And she didn’t fall. He then instructed her to look up again for a hold. She did and went up another couple of feet. But, she looked down again and this time, could not be swayed. He belayed her down, but not before she learned a valuable lesson: Trust those that can help you and look “up” when you don’t know were else to turn.

Next came Tyler. Naturally, as the older brother, he knew he could outrun his sister. But, it didn’t take long for him to panic. Tears started to fall as he held on tight to the wall. Donny again firmly told him to cut it out and to focus. As a mom, I was startled. How would Tyler react? Would he hate rock climbing? He much prefers the “soft spoken” type and gets upset easily with firm commands. Then, Donny spoke again. “Tyler. Stop it. You can do this. Dig deep in yourself. You can reach the top.” “NO I CAN’T”, came the reply, “NOW LET ME DOWN!!!!” But, Donny didn’t stop. “Tyler. If I didn’t believe in you, I wouldn’t push you. You’ll never know what you can do until you push past your fears. You can do it.”

I wish I could say Tyler turned around and scrambled to the top, but he too came down. Once to the bottom, he asked to use the restroom. On the way, he confided in me that he didn’t understand why Donny was making him go to the top when he was asking to come down. Now it was my turn to help my child understand the value of Donny’s coaching.

I explained, “Tyler, Donny knows that you have what it takes. He believes in you. He can see more of the picture than you can and he’s done it before. He also knows that if you quit now, you may never know what you can do. Trust him. If you do, you’ll leave tonight discovering that you can do more than you thought you could. I know you can do it.”

We headed back. I didn’t know what would become of Tyler. Would he give up? Would he try again?

Ryan was on the wall now. I laughed. As his siblings had made their attempts, he had taunted them from below: “Hurry up. I could do this so much faster than you”. His ego poured from his lips. But now he was only a few feet off the ground and scared for his life. A bit of Donny coaching, and he went further. But, now, he too, came down.

Now, Tyler was up again. But, this time, he had learned a lesson. He was determined. He knew we believed in him and he knew he could do it. But, once again, he faced his fears at the same spot as before. He froze. But then came Donny’s voice: “Tyler. You can do it. Move now.” And Tyler obeyed. Step after step, he followed Donny’s voice until he reached the bell at the top. He had done it. And why? Because someone believed in him and he trusted them regardless of how hard it was.

Elizabeth was up again. Though she didn’t reach the top, she went much further than she had before. And when she came down, Donny praised her from head to toe for pushing past her original fear.

Then, Ryan headed up again. This time he gave up even sooner than before. Donny pushed him, but he refused to be pushed. I wondered what awaited Ryan at the bottom. But, what he got was praise and tons of it. “You can do it”, “I’m proud of you”, “Don’t give up”. So, Ryan headed up again. This time, though, he had a goal. He wanted to reach the rock hold that looked like a dinosaur. He reached and scrambled and with effort, reached his goal. When we urged him onward, he simply replied, “I set a goal and I reached it. I’m done”.

Ryan taught me a great lesson that night. We need to set our own goals and reach for them. We don’t need to worry about other people’s goals for us unless they match our own. He had reached his goal and had succeeded.

Donny and the other kids also taught me a lesson. Confidence doesn’t come from doing things well the first time. It comes from trying, failing, trying and failing again. And then, trying despite all fears, and conquering. It is then that we realize what we truly have within us to succeed.

And, my final lesson of the night: Whether people succeed or fail, they need our praise and encouragement. When the kids were on the wall, Donny pushed them with all he had. But, when they came down, regardless of the result, he praised them from top to bottom. We all need that. For it’s often someone’s praise for a job well done that gets us back on the wall to try again.

The kids are begging to go back and we can’t wait to take them. So much was gained that night and so many lessons were learned. I can’t wait to see what we learn next time.

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Ending Bickering With Praise

Posted on March 3, 2011 by Heidi

How to go from this

to this

Do your children ever bicker?

Okay, you may put your hands down — it was a rhetorical question. All children bicker.  I have even heard children bicker to themselves. Bicker, bicker, bicker.  And usually what they complain about really isn’t that big of an issue at all; they just have to release their anxious energy somehow.

A couple of years ago I drove my kids around town and here’s what I heard from the back seat: “Stop it.”  “No, YOU stop!”  “That’s mine.”  “OUCH!  Mooooom – she pulled my hair!”

With hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road, there wasn’t anything I could use to stop the arguing except my words.  And that’s when we started the “Praise You” Game.

I say, “You know what I like about  (child’s name)?”  And like magic, her mouth closes and her ears open.  After sharing some of her great attributes, I ask the other child what she likes about her.  Then we share what we like about the second child.  By the end, without fail (so far) everyone is friends again and feeling really good about themselves and each other.

Next time you hear your children getting on each others’ nerves, try it out — it may work.                        But if it doesn’t, don’t come bickering to me.

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Quality Babysitting–My Soapbox

Posted on March 2, 2011 by Cheri

A while ago, my cousin approached me and asked me to write a list or guideline to help her daughters prepare to become babysitters.  They had taken care of their siblings before, but were just coming of age to take care of other people’s kids.  She wanted them to be quality babysitters, so she asked me to help put in words what a mom REALLY wants in a babysitter.  She asked me because she knows I feel pretty strongly about quality babysitters…and the fact that they are hard to come by these days.  We had some really great babysitters at the time, plus some really bad ones, so I took the good, the bad, and the ugly from all our experiences and put together a very long and exhaustive narrative about babysitting.  And now I’m going to share it with you.  In a minute.

My husband and I love going on dates.  I think every couple needs them.  But to pay for a babysitter is challenging if you’re on a tight budget.  So you either go on less dates or shorter dates.  I don’t know about you, but constantly checking your watch (or cell phone) and calculating how much every minute of quality time you are spending with your spouse is costing you sure cuts down on the “quality” part. 

I know a lot of people who have successfully worked out babysitting swaps, like Janae.  Hats off to you!  Janae mentions a few tips to making a swap successful, though I’d add one more.  Find people who have similar genders to you.  It is hard for us to swap with people who have boys, since we have only girls.  We have no toys for boys (or very few) so most boys end up getting restless and rambunctious.  And they don’t really play with our girls.  So there’s way more trying to entertain and keep things under control, rather than the kids just having a great time together.  We’ve had very little success putting together babysitting swaps or co-ops for a variety of reasons, which means we’re left with babysitters.

Most of my friends tell me that they only care that their children are alive when they come home, and that they don’t care what happened in between.  I’m not like that.  I’m picky.  Maybe too picky, but I’m just so frustrated at the laziness of my sitters and then their expectation to be paid as much as my husband was paid to work when he was in college.  I don’t think babysitters are as well trained as they used to be.  Remember “The Babysitters’ Club”?  I read that series religiously.  Today, babysitting usually involves plopping the kids in front of the TV while you tweet or Facebook or text. 

In case you feel a little bit like I do and want to give your babysitter an idea of what you expect, or if you’re a mom trying to prepare your 10 or 11 or 12 year old to start babysitting, here are a couple tips I’d give.  I tried to make it as conclusive as I possibly could, so it sounds WAY more extreme than I really am.  But it at least covers all the bases.

TO THE BABYSITTER:

  1. Talk to the mom.  If she’s talking to you, make conversation.  Actually look her in the eye.
  2. When you get to the house, talk to the kids, even if it is awkward.  Usually, the mom and dad still needed to get ready for another minute, so jump into babysitting mode even before they leave the house.  If they’re trying to get dinner on, ask if you can stir the pasta or set the table.  Or if they are trying to get ready, ask the kids if you can read them a book or if they want to show you their toys. 
  3. Follow the instructions the parents gave you.  Even if it is tempting to throw on a movie the whole time, if mom said no TV, that means no TV.  If mom said only do TV as an absolute last result, be creative and make sure you never have to use it.  She meant no TV.  If she said movies are okay, only watch one.
  4. Put the kids to bed around the time that mom said they should go down.  Even if it is hard to get them to cooperate, at least do your best.  But be firm.  They will want to manipulate you so if they ask for water for the 10th time, you need to put your foot down and tell them no.  Or say, “I will come back in 10 minutes with a cup of water for you.  If you have been quiet and stayed in your bed, you can have a drink.  Otherwise, we’ll have to wait for you to cooperate.”  Usually, the kid will be asleep before you come back.  And they didn’t NEED the drink anyway.
  5. If you make a mess, clean it up.  If the kids make a mess, clean it up.  If mom made a mess, do your best to clean it up.  Even if you want to sit down to watch TV or read a book or whatever after the kids go to bed, spend 10 minutes cleaning up and you will be rewarded for it.  Either they will call you back or pay you more or you’ll just feel good about it.  But there is nothing worse than coming home after a date and having to clean the house.  Especially if the mess was created by the sitter.
  6. Spice things up during the night.  Do different activities so you and the kids aren’t getting bored.  Spend some time coloring, some time outside, some time reading, some time playing a game, some time eating, and some time getting ready for bed. 
  7. When the mom drives you home and asks, “How’d it go?” she really does want to know how it went.  But if you just complain about how hard things were for YOU, it’s not going to be impressive.  So, talk about the kids.  “They did great.  Tommy was a little sad after you left, but we played games and he had a great time.”  Also, remember that the kids are going to talk tomorrow so if you did something you don’t want the mom to know about (i.e. Gave them extra ice cream or whatever) she’s going to find out about it tomorrow.
  8. Never count the money in front of the mom.  As tempting as it may be, don’t do it.  This isn’t about the money, it’s about the kids.  When she asks you, “How much do you charge?”  say “I don’t charge a certain amount.”  Don’t follow that up with “Some people pay me $10 an hour and others less, so you do what you want” because that means you do care about the money.  So just let them know you don’t charge a certain amount. 
  9. Don’t toot your own horn.  Don’t say things like “Yeah, I’m pretty much the neighborhood babysitter” or ” yeah, most people think I’m the best babysitter.”  It’s about the kids, not you.  So talk about how much you enjoy babysitting, if someone asks.

Wow, that’s a lot.  Sounds really picky.  But mainly I was just going thru things that I think will set a girl apart as one of the best babysitters.  Sure, she doesn’t have to follow all the rules.  They’re just suggestions anyway.  Just trying to help. 

Some of my favorite babysitters come prepared with a Babysitting Bag.  Just like in “The Babysitter’s Club” or even “The Berenstain Bears-The Sitter,” they come prepared with special things to make the night even more special for the kids.  It would be fun for a bunch of girls to make babysitting bags and stock them together.  Here are a few of the things our sitters have brought, as well as some other things. 

BRING (not all each time, but mix it up):

  1. Nail polish for girls.  They LOVE it!
  2. A coloring book for each kid to use WHILE YOU’RE THERE.  Not to keep, but something new to color in.
  3. A book to read (for the kids)
  4. Maybe a craft or some play dough or something.  Ooh…beads.  Super fun.
  5. Age appropriate puzzles
  6. Maybe some matchbox cars for the boys
  7. A fun movie if it is approved by the mom ahead of time
  8. A game
  9. We had a girl bring those capsules with a shaped sponge in them.  That was fun.  Or shrinky dinks the kids could color and melt (though that involves the oven…maybe not a good idea).  Or perler beads (though that involves the iron…another potential bad idea).  Or foam stickers.  Or any little activity. 

DON’T BRING:

  1. Lip Gloss.  Cold sores are contagious and I don’t know where your lip gloss has been. 
  2. One babysitter once brought embroidery floss to make friendship bracelets.  While that was a sweet thought, the girls were obviously too young to participate, so it meant her doing it while the girls did something else.  Don’t bring things that are going to require your time away from the kids.
  3. While bringing cookie dough or something to make with them would be FUN, only do it with permission.  If you don’t know the family’s rules about sweets, you may be overstepping your bounds.

Hope that helps!  What have your babysitters brought that you love or hate?  What else do you like or not like?

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