Raising a Difficult Child

Are you struggling to raise one of your children?  Do you find yourself in a constant battle with your child?  As a result, is your confidence as a mother starting to wane?

For six very long years, our family has struggled to understand and raise one of my beautiful sons.  You’d never guess it.  On the outside, he is fun, energetic, friendly and incredibly talented at art.  He is kind, sweet, forgiving, and includes everyone he can in his fun.  But, at home, he is easily angered.  He’ll hit, kick, break things, and scream for hours on end.

I did everything I could think of to help him, but nothing worked longer than a week.  After several years of always coming up short, I was exhausted and at the brink of giving up.  He was angry, I was angry.  And, as a result, the rest of the family suffered.  Our home was anything but a haven.  It was a very difficult and frustrating place to be.

But, one night, I finally found something that helped.  Back in September, after trying desperately to help my son through a particularly violent and explosive temper tantrum, I came downstairs exhausted and defeated, still hearing the screams coming from the second floor.  In exasperation, I typed in the words, “Difficult Child” into the internet search bar and hit return.  I clicked on the first thing that came up.  It was an excerpt from the book, “The Difficult Child” by Stanley Turecki.

If you find yourself in similar shoes as mine and have felt lost, frustrated, or confused about how to raise one of your children, take a second to click here and read the exerpt I read.  The excerpt will ask you several questions about your situation and your child.  When I answered the questions, I found that my child hits the top of the charts in terms of level of difficulty.  I hoped and prayed this book would help me understand how to help him.

It did.  I felt like it was describing our family, our feelings, and our frustrations nearly word for word.  The author, who raised a difficult child himself, seemed to know exactly where we were coming from.  He gave us an eye-opening understanding of what we were facing followed by concrete actions to take to start changing our family.  As we put his advice to the test, a transformation slowly started to take place.  The tantrums lessened.  The defiance decreased.  The harmony improved and the love increased.

It’s been 4 months since we finished the book.  I wanted to write a few months ago, but I wanted to be sure that the transformation wasn’t only temporary.  I wanted to know that it was really going to last this time.  Sure, there are still tantrums and there are still hard times.  But, I’ve learned how to handle them and how to love my son through them.  All because Stanley Turecki finally gave me the understanding, the viewpoint, and the tools to change our situation.  Take the time to get the book.  You can get it from the library or any bookstore.  I hope it helps you as much as it has helped us.

Just one quick piece of advice:  Read the book as a couple.  My husband and I decided to read the book together each night after we put the kids to bed.  It was healing for us as a couple and was essential to helping us make the transformation we needed to make in our family.  Since we both fully understood the plans laid forth by the author, we were far more successful in implementing them.  When one of us struggled, the other understood the plan and could step in.  It’s worth it to find out how to do it together.  Plus, one or both of you may be blaming the other for the problems your child is experiencing.  Reading together allows you to work through some of those feelings and come to understand the other person’s point of view.

There’s just one more thing I want to share with those of you who are raising a “difficult” child.  I know how hard it is.  It hurts.  You’ve likely cried yourself to sleep many nights.  You’ve probably felt completely alone, frustrated as your friends seem to have such happy kids.  There are many dark days and lonely nights.  Hang in there.  You’re doing a great job.  You wouldn’t be trying so hard if you weren’t.  You’re a terrific parent.  With added understanding, you’ll realize just how great you are at what you do.  Keep it up.

And, to anyone who isn’t raising a difficult child and can’t seem to understand the friend that constantly complains about the struggles they’re having at home, try to reach out and be there for them.  Don’t worry about giving advice.  Just love them and let them be a part of your life.  Don’t judge them for their parenting.  Lift them up.  They’ll need it.  Reading the book just may give you a better perspective of their life and how much they need a friend right now.